Cleveland, OH – In an amazing display of selflessness, area woman Carrie “Car” Nivore proudly declared that if meat didn’t taste so damn good, she would immediately go vegan. Environmentalists around the world are applauding Nivore’s bold stance stating her utmost intent to pursue a vegan diet and unfortunate inability due to the delicious flavor of meat.
“The agriculture industry causes ten percent of global greenhouse gas emissions, and I would absolutely hate to contribute to that number,” lamented Nivore while eating an Grilled Turkey Cuban sandwich containing products from a turkey, a pig, a cow, and a cucumber. “If I didn’t love the taste of animals so much, would I stop in a heartbeat? Absolutely.”
At press time, Nivore was seen finishing up a 37-minute shower, explaining that she would have taken a 3-minute shower if water didn’t feel so damn nice.