In a heartwarming gesture this last Monday, a local pig selflessly declared that he would be more than willing to share his vegetables with the entire human community. After hearing that many humans passionately believed that “if you love animals, then why would you eat their food,” he felt a strong urge to demonstrate to the world that humans could eat his food too, free from any guilt.
“I-way ould-cay ot-nay elieve-bay y-may ears-way en-whay I-way eard-hay at-thay umans-hay incerely-say elieved-bay at-thay animals-way ould-way e-bay upset-way en-whay umans-hay eat-way our-way ood-fay,” the pig explained in an interview with The Sweaty Penguin. “e-Way are-way ot-nay ying-tray o-tay aim-clay every-way ingle-say egetable-vay ere-hay. eel-Fay ee-fray o-tay eat-way egetables-vay oo-tay, or-way anything-way else-way ou-yay ant-way o-tay eat-way at-thay is-way ot-nay y-may amily-fay.”
**Our piglatin translator graciously offered to translate the pig’s message – “I could not believe my ears when I heard that humans sincerely believed that animals would be upset when humans eat our food. We are not trying to claim every single vegetable here. Feel free to eat vegetables too, or anything else you want to eat that is not my family.”**
When asked about the fact that he lives on a farm and is fed pellets while humans tend to gravitate toward fresh vegetables like broccoli and brussel sprouts before complaining about them not tasting good enough, the pig declined to comment. He then sunk deep into a pile of mud, where he began contemplating the meaning of life.
While some people felt the pig’s message to be unrepresentative of all pigs, others took it as a message of hope. With studies showing that everyone adopting a diet containing 600 grams of vegetables per day could decrease disease by 1.8% and universal vegetarianism or veganism would reduce carbon emissions by 17%, methane emissions by 24%, and nitrous oxide emissions by 21% by the year 2050, this pig’s offer could be exactly what the human race needed to stay moving. After humans have been so generous to animals for decades upon decades making sure to avoid eating their food as much as possible at the expense of the air we breathe, land we own, and planet we inhabit, this pig has paid it forward in an absolutely amazing way. If other animals follow in this pig’s footsteps, humanity’s problems might just be resolved.