Oh no! Last Friday, a terrifying catastrophe occurred here in Antarctica, where the Svalbard Global Seed Vault was flooded with water and nearly destroyed. The vault, meant to be unlocked in a doomsday emergency, contained some of humanity’s most precious treasures, including seeds to protect the earth’s food supply and memes to protect the earth’s dankness.
“When we heard that water had entered the vault, we had no idea what would happen,” explained Antarctic researcher Dr. Iva Hai Brid. “We rushed over, only to find the water had frozen into a glacier around the vault. When we forced our way inside, we were relieved to find the seeds intact and the memes as lit as ever. Thank goodness we will still have memes if we enter nuclear war.”
Many people attributed the flooding to climate change, due to its effect on rising sea levels and weather turbulence. Rather than commenting directly on these correlation assessments, Brid opted to reach into the vault and pull out a picture of Bad Luck Brian saying “Warms climate by a degree. Wipes out Earth’s emergency food supply.” The Sweaty Penguin found the meme both hilarious and thought-provoking.
In addition to seeds and memes, the Svalbard Global Seed Vault also contains a few other of the world’s important staples, such as kale chips, a single hair dryer, and a ratty copy of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.