Wow! If this news doesn’t spice up your Fourth of July, I don’t know what will! This morning, The Sweaty Penguin received confirmation that a bald eagle in Alaska had, through some miracle of nature, grown his hair back. With a new head of hair, the bird became a new man, flying through the American skies on Independence Day with a newfound, exhilarating rush of confidence and self-esteem.
This bald eagle is one of many bald eagles in America bound to gain an improved life as America continues to become increasingly sustainable. In addition to thousands of bald eagles dying each year from power lines, mercury and lead poisoning, and illegal shootings, bald eagle habitats are being destroyed by climate change. Bald eagles live in colder climates, only spending their winters in the continental US and venturing to places like Alaska for the summer. If Alaska becomes too hot, the bald eagle may not be able to spend time in America, the country that loves it so dearly.
The hairy eagle met with The Sweaty Penguin‘s famed mascot, the sweaty penguin, for a brief discussion about the exciting turn of events:
Eagle: Hey, it’s pretty hot down here now, especially with all the hair as insolation.
Penguin: Yeah, I feel like I’m gonna break a sweat.
Amazing! And thankfully, the eagle will be able to flap its wings more freely in wind-powered areas, as in addition to being one of the cheapest energy sources, the wind energy industry is extremely proactive in protecting America’s bird, more so than any other energy source. Thanks, wind farms!
At press time, the scientific community was discussing possibilities for naming the new bald eagles who will grow back their hair. Sources report that so far, the best suggestion was “eagle.”