CONSIPRACY!!! TEMPERATURES DROPPED WHEN SCARAMUCCI WAS HIRED, THEN SHOT BACK UP UPON DISMISSAL!

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BUCKLE UP BECAUSE WE HAVE A CONSPIRACY HERE. YES, AN ALL CAPS, BOLD, UNDERLINED, BIG FONT CONSPIRACY. LISTEN UP GOOD, PEOPLE, BECAUSE THE SECRET TO THE GLOBAL WARMING CRISIS MIGHT HAVE BEEN DISCOVERED AFTER ALL.

OKAY, SO ON JULY 21, THE WHITE HOUSE HIRED ANTHONY SCARAMUCCI AS THE NEW WHITE HOUSE COMMUNICATIONS DIRECTOR. AND OKAY, JULY 21 WAS A HOT DAY. JULY 22 WAS HOT TOO. BUT JULY 23? THE TEMPERATURE STARTED TO DROP! JULY 24? IT PLUMMETS!

DON’T BELIEVE ME? OF COURSE YOU DON’T. LET’S CHECK THE NUMBERS.

NEW YORK CITY – 7/21: 93°F, 7/22: 91°F, 7/23: 79°F, 7/24: 70°F

PHOENIX – 7/21: 102°F, 7/22: 106°F, 7/23: 102°F, 7/24: 90°F

DALLAS – 7/21: 99°F, 7/22: 99°F, 7/23: 100°F, 7/24: 91°F

CHICAGO – 7/21: 90°F, 7/22: 86°F, 7/23: 90°F, 7/24: 73°F

BOSTON – 7/21: 90°F, 7/22: 82°F, 7/23: 70°F, 7/24: 59°F

NASHVILLE – 7/21: 97°F, 7/22: 97°F, 7/23: 95°F, 7/24: 93°F

WASHINGTON DC – 7/21: 97°F, 7/22: 93°F, 7/23: 90°F, 7/24: 90°F

OKAY, OKAY, I KNOW THERE ARE TEMPERATURE FLUKES SOMETIMES, BUT IN EVERY SINGLE CHERRY PICKED CITY IN THE COUNTRY? KEEP IN MIND THAT GLOBAL WARMING CALLS FOR HOT SUMMERS, NOT PLEASANT ONES. 59 IN BOSTON? SOMETHING MUST BE UP.

THE SWEATY PENGUIN WAS KEEPING AN EYE ON THE CORRELATION BETWEEN DAILY TEMPERATURE HIGHS AND SCARAMUCCI FROM THE GET GO, BUT TODAY, WE REALLY STARTED TO GET SUSPICIOUS. CHECK THIS OUT:

NEW YORK CITY – 7/29: 75°F, 7/30: 81°F, 7/31: 88°F

PHOENIX – 7/29: 102°F, 7/30: 97°F, 7/31: 106°F

BOSTON – 7/29: 70°F, 7/30: 73°F, 7/31: 79°F

WASHINGTON DC – 7/29: 77°F, 7/30: 82°F, 7/31: 91°F

MINNEAPOLIS – 7/29: 82°F, 7/30: 82°F, 7/31: 84°F

BATON ROUGE – 7/29: 82°F, 7/30: 90°F, 7/31: 91°F

SALT LAKE CITY – 7/29: 95°F, 7/30: 95°F, 7/31: 99°F

DON’T WORRY THAT WE SWITCHED OUT THREE OF THE CITIES IN OUR FINAL DATA SET… THE POINT IS: AFTER SCARAMUCCI WAS FIRED TODAY, THE TEMPERATURES SHOT BACK UP. LOOK AT PHOENIX! IT’S BOILING!

NOW WE’RE NOT TRYING TO SAY THAT GLOBAL WARMING HALTS WHILE SCARAMUCCI IS THE WHITE HOUSE COMMUNICATIONS DIRECTOR OR ANYTHING. THAT’S FOR YOU TO DECIDE. I MEAN, IT SEEMS PRETTY OBVIOUS. WHEN THEY SAY MANMADE GLOBAL WARMING, I NEVER REALIZED IT WAS ACTUALLY JUST MADE BY ONE MAN AND HIS JOB TITLE. EITHER WAY, THE DATA IS PRETTY CLEAR. AND YOU CAN’T DISPUTE THE DATA.

GET READY FOR SOME HOT DAYS EVERYONE, UNTIL SCARAMUCCI MAKES IT BIG AGAIN.

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