Month: August 2017

Consumers Angry to Learn There is No Discount on Gold Deposits in Amazon Rainforest if They Have Amazon Prime

After Brazilian president Michel Temer lifted protections on the 46,000 square kilometer Renca reserve in the Amazon which is predicted to contain gold and other valuable minerals, consumers around the globe became increasingly irate that their Amazon Prime accounts would not give them discounts on the gold. Citing that Amazon Prime typically gives lower prices…

Read More

Environmental Hero: The Moon Just Flew in Front of the Sun to Cool Off the Planet For a Couple Minutes

WOW! If you thought Superman was a hero, then take a step back because this courageous cosmo just saved the ENTIRE PLANET from looming disaster. That’s right. After seeing the Earth heating up for years and years, the moon decided to make a pit stop on its never ending journey around the planet to block…

Read More

Report: Indian Forests Don’t Want New Protections if the Air is Just Gonna Smell Like Car Fumes

Stating regret that the Government of India signed a USD 24.64 million grant agreement with the World Bank to preserve and enhance forests in the states of Chhattisgarh and Madhya Pradesh, Indian forests report that they’d really rather not be protected if the air is just going to smell like car fumes. Despite their determination to…

Read More

Huge Blunder: The U.N. Just Printed Their Anti-Deforestation Plan on Non-Recycled Paper

In what may be the biggest political blunder since the election of King Tut, the United Nations just printed out their anti-deforestation plan on non-recycled pieces of paper. Having spent years negotiating solutions to save trees in the forests of the earth, including but not limited to using less paper and replacing non-recycled paper with…

Read More

Study: Young People Our Best Hope for Conserving Humans

According to a new scientific study published by Boston College students, young people are reported to be the best hope for the conservation of the human species. Citing evidence such as young people living longer than old people and the term millennial implying “able to live an entire millennium,” this new study is said to…

Read More

“An Inconvenient Sequel” Flops in the Box Office, But Still Wins the Popular Vote

In a very rare sequence of events, the movie An Inconvenient Sequel managed to perform the unthinkable: flop in the box office, but still win the popular vote. Sources were shocked to find that while a plurality of viewers liked the movie the best, An Inconvenient Sequel still managed to lose out in the box office tallies….

Read More

The Sweaty Penguin’s Earth Overshoot Day Cards

Nothing is more stressful than the holidays, which is why here at The Sweaty Penguin, we are dedicated to helping our loyal readers make it through big days like today. Today, August 2nd, is Earth Overshoot Day: the day where humankind has consumed more resources than the planet can renew in the year 2017. This…

Read More

Samsung Galaxy S8 Wins Top Environment Certificate For Releasing Eco-Friendly Gasses Upon Battery Explosion

After a minor blunder where phones burst into flames inside users’ pockets, Samsung is proud to have just received the Top Environment Certificate for the Samsung Galaxy S8 smartphone. This phone is the first smartphone to ever win the Top Environment Certificate, likely due to the ingenious innovation of Samsung where the phone releases eco-friendly…

Read More