Hulu decided last July that they would not run certain political ads that contained the phrase “climate change.” That’s right, their fear of delving into this “controversial” and “sensitive” topic has stopped you from getting a fun lil’ global warming ad in the middle of watching Rachel and Gabby’s group date with 31 men. But what if Hulu is setting a trend for more media companies to start running away from any little thing that could make audiences think of the “controversial” issue of climate change? Here’s what I hear some companies are thinking of doing…
1 Netflix is removing their entire Documentary category and making all the scientists do stand-up comedy instead
At risk of commenting on anything controversial, in any sense of the word, Netflix is permanently forgoing its “Documentary” category. Even seemingly innocent documentaries like the random one they did on Abercrombie & Fitch are heading for the trash– they couldn’t take the risk that one of the Abercrombie & Fitch models maybe would mention something taboo like the Earth’s current climate or– and I don’t even know if they can still publish this scandalous word online anymore– politics. To offset the sudden loss of content from some of the country’s leading analysts and scientists, Netflix is launching a workshop to teach these experts how to do stand-up comedy. So keep a lookout for a new stand-up specials series from various doctors called “Patients, Please.”
2 Bravo is attaching a device to all of their reality TV stars that will automatically zap them if they say anything related to the environment
Networks who primarily do unscripted programming are getting concerned that a cast member on a reality TV show will suddenly say the CC word, or something else equally blasphemous. To counteract this, Bravo is attaching small tasing devices to the contestants’ mics to zap them if they say any environment buzzwords. It will also give a light zap if it sounds like a contestant is getting close to talking about the environment, like if they’re just talking about the weather (seems innocent but could quickly become treasonous and offensive).
3 20th Century Studios is not going to release the new Avatar until all the water is removed
As long as we’ve waited for this new Avatar movie, prepare to wait a little longer. 20th Century Studios is having a small aneurysm upon realizing that the movie has a lot of water, whereas our Earth maybe doesn’t. The studio doesn’t want to take the risk of reminding audiences of our limited resources, and they need to find a way to avoid this newly controversial topic of “water.” Therefore, they are asking editors of the film to remove all water from the film, which is going to take a while considering the film is called Avatar: The Way of Water.
4 Apple TV+ is changing its name to Core TV+
In one of the largest adjustments yet in an effort to avoid the controversial topic of climate change, Apple TV+ is officially changing its name to Core TV+. After an extensive focus group, the streaming service (and larger company Apple, soon to be Core) found that “apple” makes audiences think of a thriving crop, which then makes them think of farming, the Earth, and thereby has the potential of making them think about *whispers* climate change. Changing the name to a crop that is not thriving reduces this risk.
5 Disney+ is removing any visual effects from Marvel movies that look like they’d pollute the air
Have you ever watched a superhero fight scene where Iron Man shoves his fist forward and nothing comes out? Get ready to! Disney+ is going back to the editing floor to remove all of the special effects that could look like they’d be bad for the environment. It’s true, we don’t know what kinds of gasses and pollutants come out of the crazy superhero light powers, and Disney+ is scared people are going to start asking. I, personally, can’t wait to watch the Avengers assemble with no visual powers!