Answer These Questions and We’ll Tell You What Milk Alternative You Are

Your personal preferences will show you what non-dairy choice you resemble the most.

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  1. 1 Where would you most likely be on a Friday night?

    1. At an indie film screening
    2. Hitting the gym
    3. Staying in and reading
    4. Out at the clubs
  2. 2 Pick a favorite book series:

    1. Harry Potter
    2. Percy Jackson
    3. Divergent
    4. The Hunger Games
  3. 3 Pick a favorite app:

    1. Facebook
    2. Tiktok
    3. The Weather App
    4. Instagram
  4. 4 You’re at an Italian restaurant– what are you ordering?

    1. Wine for the table!
    2. Salad
    3. Pizza
    4. More bread please
  5. 5 What is your dream vacation?

    1. Relaxing at a warm beach
    2. Hiking in the mountains
    3. Interesting, informational road trip
    4. Vibrant new city
  6. 6 If you have a problem at work, what’s the first thing you do?

    1. Ask for help right away
    2. Push the task you’re having trouble with onto someone else
    3. Brainstorm all of your possible solutions
    4. Make excuses
  7. 7 What’s your Sunday night routine?

    1. Call some friends and family
    2. Do yoga and meditate
    3. Go out….it’s Friday night somewhere
    4. Prepare for the week ahead, make a schedule, and even maybe schedule send some emails

Answer These Questions and We'll Tell You What Milk Alternative You Are

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  1. Quiz result

    You’re Soy Milk!

    Oh, you’re DEFINITELY soy milk! Soy milk has almost the same amount of protein as regular cow’s milk, and is one of the few plant-based sources to qualify as a “complete protein” that has all of the essential amino acids.  This means as a person you’re intense, you get gains, maybe you’re even buff. You walk into a gym and people think “Oh, you’ve definitely been here before and you know how to use all the machines.” But this means you’re also macho, and sometimes you can get overconfident and cut down a bunch of trees in the Amazon rainforest with your bros. However, your confidence has reason — you’re soy milk, after all!

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  2. Quiz result

    You’re Oat Milk!

    You’re cute, trendy, and sweet — you’re oat milk! Oat milk is known for its mild and sweet flavor, and for having a better greenhouse footprint than other milks. (It doesn’t take nearly as much water to make as, say, almond milk.) You probably care about the environment, use non-plastic straws when you can, and shop at thrift stores, both for environmental reasons and because you like wearing stuff that no one else will have. You’re trendy, you’ve had a YouTube channel at some point in your life, and maybe you have a film camera or mini record player — you’re sooo oat milk! 

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  3. Quiz result

    You’re Coconut Milk!

    You’re just a little fun and flirty — you’re coconut milk! Coconut milk is a delicious milk alternative that is not necessarily a good source of protein, but is just here for a good time. Coconuts are grown in tropical areas, so you’re… ~quirky~. Or at least you think you are. You’re also a party girl, you do your own thing, and you probably get your little coffee drinks at Starbucks, don’t you? 

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  4. Quiz result

    You’re Almond Milk!

    Ah yes. You are definitely almond milk. Not only are you the most mature, you might even be a mom, or at least just the mom friend. However, you’re also famously high maintenance. Almond milk requires a lot of water to make, meaning it’s not optimal in terms of its environmental impact. The production of almond milk also has a negative effect on the bee population. However, even though almond milk isn’t ideal for the environment, it’s still the most purchased milk alternative. Even though your overbearing and sensitive qualities seem like they would drive people away, they still love you for who you are!

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Naomi Rubin

Naomi Rubin is a senior at Barnard College from Los Angeles, CA studying film and political science. She is a comedy writer for The Sweaty Penguin and works on podcast episode scripts, website content, and more!


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