thesweatypenguin

Inspiring: These Penguins Celebrated Earth Day By Carpooling to Their Jobs

Get ready for a story that will melt your heart and the polar ice caps! In honor of Earth Day, these penguins decided to save energy by carpooling to work on one single piece of ice. Incredible! By putting eleven penguins in one vehicle, these sustainability heroes just increased their efficiency big time, to the…

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U.S. Dept of Energy Calls Planet Literally on Fire “Freedom Planet”

WASHINGTON DC—Following last week’s news release where the United States Department of Energy referred to natural gas as “freedom gas,” the department doubled down when they referred to the entire Earth literally being on fire as “freedom planet.” “Emitting excess carbon dioxide and methane through freedom gas is critical to warming the Earth enough to…

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We Just Found Out the SECRET MENU at the Yosemite Starbucks, And YOU WON’T BELIEVE What’s on It!

YOSEMITE NATIONAL PARK – If you thought Yosemite National Park was a hidden gem in itself, you WON’T BELIEVE the hidden gems inside the Starbucks that just opened there. The new Starbucks location at Yosemite National Park has spurred a nationwide conversation about the relationship between nature and culture, with some praising the Starbucks for…

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Hey, Babe, Do You Want Me to Turn the Air Conditioning Off Tonight, Or Leave It On And Emit Hydrofleurocarbons Into the Atmosphere

Babe? Babe, are you up? … Babe? Oh, you were asleep? Oh I’m sorry, no you can go back to bed in one second, I just have a super quick thing. It’s getting cooler out, so I was thinking maybe I’d shut off the air conditioning and open the windows. No no, only if you…

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Consumers Angry to Learn There is No Discount on Gold Deposits in Amazon Rainforest if They Have Amazon Prime

After Brazilian president Michel Temer lifted protections on the 46,000 square kilometer Renca reserve in the Amazon which is predicted to contain gold and other valuable minerals, consumers around the globe became increasingly irate that their Amazon Prime accounts would not give them discounts on the gold. Citing that Amazon Prime typically gives lower prices…

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Environmental Hero: The Moon Just Flew in Front of the Sun to Cool Off the Planet For a Couple Minutes

WOW! If you thought Superman was a hero, then take a step back because this courageous cosmo just saved the ENTIRE PLANET from looming disaster. That’s right. After seeing the Earth heating up for years and years, the moon decided to make a pit stop on its never ending journey around the planet to block…

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Report: Indian Forests Don’t Want New Protections if the Air is Just Gonna Smell Like Car Fumes

Stating regret that the Government of India signed a USD 24.64 million grant agreement with the World Bank to preserve and enhance forests in the states of Chhattisgarh and Madhya Pradesh, Indian forests report that they’d really rather not be protected if the air is just going to smell like car fumes. Despite their determination to…

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Huge Blunder: The U.N. Just Printed Their Anti-Deforestation Plan on Non-Recycled Paper

In what may be the biggest political blunder since the election of King Tut, the United Nations just printed out their anti-deforestation plan on non-recycled pieces of paper. Having spent years negotiating solutions to save trees in the forests of the earth, including but not limited to using less paper and replacing non-recycled paper with…

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Study: Young People Our Best Hope for Conserving Humans

According to a new scientific study published by Boston College students, young people are reported to be the best hope for the conservation of the human species. Citing evidence such as young people living longer than old people and the term millennial implying “able to live an entire millennium,” this new study is said to…

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“An Inconvenient Sequel” Flops in the Box Office, But Still Wins the Popular Vote

In a very rare sequence of events, the movie An Inconvenient Sequel managed to perform the unthinkable: flop in the box office, but still win the popular vote. Sources were shocked to find that while a plurality of viewers liked the movie the best, An Inconvenient Sequel still managed to lose out in the box office tallies….

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