thesweatypenguin

Someone Just Compiled a Definitive Ranking of the Types of Bananas, And You WON’T BELIEVE IT!

Well I like bananas just as much as the next person, but this guy just took banana fandom to a whole new level and it’s BREAKING THE INTERNET! That’s right, this lone wolf just compiled a definitive ranking of every single type of banana. I mean, talk about dedication! The Sweaty Penguin heard that one…

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Coastal Property Values Skyrocket as Bleached Coral Sculptures Become the Next Big Thing

Miami, FL – Nothing screams, “I have high flood insurance” like a coastal decor home. Across the nation, millions of Americans are choosing to decorate with organic elements to showcase the beauty of nature on their 50% off HomeGoods tablecloth. Most intriguing of options include that of bleached coral sculptures (now available in Matte Eggshell, White…

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Microsoft Launches “AI For Earth” Initiative, Where They Will Replace All Humans With Robots Who Don’t Mind Turning Off the Water When They Brush Their Teeth

Wednesday, probably Silicon Valley or something – Saying they needed something big to get their name back in the media and perhaps increase their all-time Surface sales from 3 to 4, Microsoft representatives have officially announced a new initiative called “AI For Earth,” where they will invest two million dollars in projects merging artificial intelligence and…

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7 Totally Frickin AWESOME Facts About Cows, And You WON’T BELIEVE What Number 5 Is!

Yesterday was Cow Appreciation Day, and as a result, The Sweaty Penguin mascot, the sweaty penguin, took a break from waddling aimlessly around Antarctica to think about how cool cows are, and you won’t believe the seven facts he came up with. 1. They fart methane. If you thought you were cool, then take a step back…

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China Just Built a Solar Farm Shaped Like a Giant Panda. Not to Be Outdone, America Built a Solar Farm Shaped Like Pat Sajak!

Less than two weeks ago, China had completed and turned on their newest solar farm, which they built to look like a 250-acre panda. In addition to shaping the panels to form a panda’s body, China utilized different colored panels to give the stark appearance of the native animal. Not to be outdone, however, the…

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Inspiring: Meet The Bald Eagle Who Grew His Hair Back

Wow! If this news doesn’t spice up your Fourth of July, I don’t know what will! This morning, The Sweaty Penguin received confirmation that a bald eagle in Alaska had, through some miracle of nature, grown his hair back. With a new head of hair, the bird became a new man, flying through the American skies…

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Panicked MasterChef Contestant Has Catastrophic Oil Spill

While cooking a cajun fried chicken entree in her MasterChef debut, Pamela Kukingzprae of Delaware was reported to have a huge oil spill in the kitchen. “I was flipping my chicken in the pan when, all of the sudden, I knocked my elbow into the handle and all of the oil came flying at me,…

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The Sweaty Penguin’s Ten Tips on Safety With Drinking Water

This week, the United States Environmental Protection Agency rescinded the Clean Water Act, aiming to return water regulatory powers to the states. With clean water on people’s minds, we at The Sweaty Penguin have decided to publish our best tips for making sure your water is clean before drinking it. See what color it is. (clear…

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Researchers Are Designing Artificial Clouds to Protect the Great Barrier Reef, And They’re Already on Cloud 9!

Buckle up everyone, because the future is here and it’s AWESOME! After the Great Barrier Reef shrunk by almost two-thirds in the year 2016, researchers at the Sydney Institute of Marine Science have figured out an environmentally friendly way to temporarily protect it. By spraying small salt particles into the air, these scientific vigilantes will…

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Oh Shucks! This Arizona Family Tried to Bake Cookies on the Ground, But The Cookie Dough Vaporized Upon Contact

Phoenix, AZ – Upon news of the weather forecast predicting record-high temperatures in Phoenix, Arizona this week, the Eeyum family decided to try baking cookies on the ground. The father, Barry, had seen a video on Facebook while at work on Monday that showed that if you sit cookie dough out in the sun on a…

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