thesweatypenguin

Inspiring: Meet the Man Who Recycles His Plastic Bags By Putting His Other Plastic Bags Into Them

Meet Dan. A 41-year-old man from Tallahassee, Florida. You might think Dan is your everyday run-of-the-mill fella, but behind that gray sweater and khakis is a real sustainable force to be reckoned with. After Dan gets home from the grocery store each week, Dan takes his food out of the plastic bags, and picks one…

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New Country Called Bloombergistan Joins Paris Agreement

After the United States departed from the Paris Agreement last week, sources report that a brand new country called Bloombergistan has officially entered and ratified the international accord. Bloombergistan, housing a quaint population of 1, will provide up to $15 million to assist other struggling countries in their efforts to mitigate climate change. “The government of Bloombergistan voted unanimously to…

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5 Little Known Facts About the Paris Agreement. You Won’t Believe What Number 3 Is!

On November 4, 2016, 194 out of the 196 countries in the world (plus an 195th signature from the European Union) signed the Paris Climate Accord, an agreement bringing countries around the world together to set goals to help combat climate change. The agreement has made headlines in the last few days as the United States has declared…

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Millennials Excited to Have Kids to Say “Your Generation Will Have to Fix This” To

In a recent survey sent to 100,000 millennials and taken by a whopping 27 of them, The Sweaty Penguin‘s pollsters have found that millennials are extremely excited to have kids for the sole reason of being able to tell them that their generation will have to rise up to fix climate change. These millennials reported a strong desire…

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European Union Determines RoundUp to Be a Safe Herbicide, So Bartenders Can Start Putting It in Drinks Again

Twenty-somethings across Europe have been rejoicing after the European Union declared RoundUp, a Monsanto herbicide, is safe and can be left on the market. The herbicide, which contains a weedkiller called glyphosate, was hypothesized to potentially have links to cancer or genetic/reproductive problems. Luckily, the EU’s Committee for Risk Assessment has determined that there is not sufficient evidence to…

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Antarctica Doomsday Vault, Containing Printouts of the World’s Best Memes, Nearly Destroyed in Flood

Oh no! Last Friday, a terrifying catastrophe occurred here in Antarctica, where the Svalbard Global Seed Vault was flooded with water and nearly destroyed. The vault, meant to be unlocked in a doomsday emergency, contained some of humanity’s most precious treasures, including seeds to protect the earth’s food supply and memes to protect the earth’s dankness. “When we heard that…

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6 Things You Might Have Thought Are Vegan, But Aren’t

As more and more people choose to adopt a vegan diet for dietary reasons, animal rights, greenhouse gas produced by agriculture, and many more reasons, we at The Sweaty Penguin felt it would be important to help people taking on this environmentally sustainable diet by pointing out a few of the many misconceptions with regard to veganism. Many foods which…

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Doing His Part: This Man Just Pledged to Plant a Tree Every Time Someone Makes a “Yo Mama” Joke

If you’ve ever wondered what it means to be a hero, then look no further. This morning, Arizona resident Phil Terr Dwotter announced that for every time somebody made a “yo mama” joke, he would personally march to his backyard and plant a tree. Dwotter plans to stay true to his ambitious pledge until the issue of deforestation…

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Breaking: New Video Footage Shows Narwhal Tusks Actually Meant For Measuring Lines at the Ocean DMV

Wow! Just this last Friday, the World Wildlife Fund successfully captured a narwhal using its tusk on video with two drones in the Tremblay Sound off of Northeastern Canada. While scientists had previously speculated that narwhal tusks might be used for ice picking or female attraction, this new footage has stunned the entire scientific community. In fact, the tusk…

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Amazing! BlackRock Helps Pass New Climate Resolution at Occidental Petroleum, AND They Bought Them a Dual-Flush Toilet!

In a truly inspiring turn of events today, BlackRock Inc, arguably the world’s largest investment management company, has officially taken a stand for the environment by helping to pass a shareholder proposal at Occidental Petroleum (also known as Oxy) which will require reporting on their climate impacts. And while that may sound like big news, you can forget all of that…

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