In a heartwarming gesture this last Monday, a local pig selflessly declared that he would be more than willing to share his vegetables with the entire human community. After hearing that many humans passionately believed that “if you love animals, then why would you eat their food,” he felt a strong urge to demonstrate to the world that humans could eat his…
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After nearly eight years of saying “Nah, I’ll sue them tomorrow, let’s play Super Smash Brothers,” the Indonesian government has now filed a lawsuit against the Petroleum Authority of Thailand with regard to the Montara Oil Spill that occurred on August 21, 2009. Indonesia is asking for two billion dollars to make up for the damage…
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Cleveland, OH – In an amazing display of selflessness, area woman Carrie “Car” Nivore proudly declared that if meat didn’t taste so damn good, she would immediately go vegan. Environmentalists around the world are applauding Nivore’s bold stance stating her utmost intent to pursue a vegan diet and unfortunate inability due to the delicious flavor of meat. “The agriculture industry causes ten percent of global greenhouse gas…
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In very recent news, researchers at Cambridge University have discovered a type of insect which is able to digest polyethylene, also known as plastic. Plastic, a non-biodegradable material, has been piling in landfills and kitchen drawers (in anticipation of parties requiring red Solo cups) for decades upon decades, unable to decompose and dispose of itself. These insects – the larvae of wax…
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Sources report that yesterday morning, Nebraska cattle farmer Pat T. Uvryce decided emphatically to take a stand to protect the environment. After waking up and reading an article on Facebook about how cows produce methane from their digestion process, Uvryce realized that he needed to make change. Rather than just sitting on his couch and eating kale chips, Uvryce took initiative by marching outside and…
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Cheyenne, OK – In an unprecedented turn of events Monday morning, a multinational drilling company was shocked to find no oil or gas beneath the surface of Washita Battlefield, a historic national park in Oklahoma. A new executive order surfaced this week which could lead to drilling beneath national monuments, conflicting with the Antiquities Act of 1906. Interestingly enough, when drillers investigated the land beneath Washita Battlefield, there…
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Wow! Here’s a story that proves that anyone is capable of being an environmental hero! In a world where so many people never stop to think which bin to put their paper, plastic, and cardboard into, this Delaware elementary school inspired us all. Rather than using bins of equal size, this fine learning institution has made the incredible step of making their…
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In a 118 page paper published in twelve peer-reviewed academic journals, melittologist Dr. Polly Nayte decisively concluded that the recent drop in bee population “really stings.” Her research, which studied 2,000 bee species over a twenty year period, unequivocally suggested that loss of bees is a true stinger for the environment and humanity. “Bees are an absolutely integral…
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April 22, 2017 – Sources report that today wasn’t the best of Earth Days for area man Corey Ander after he allegedly released copious amounts of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere during his Earth Day cookout. Using a charcoal grill, Ander sent around a dozen pounds of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere, the equivalent of a 22 mile car drive….
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With their special ability to create usable energy solely through the power of the wind, windmills have gained huge respect in the clean energy sector. However, only 4% of electricity in America comes from wind power, and even less in Antarctica. After witnessing people’s distaste for cell towers in their neighborhoods, we here at The Sweaty Penguin wanted to make sure people knew that a windmill…
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