FRITOLAY HQ—In an unprecedented move that has flipped the entire chip industry on its side, FritoLay announced that they would begin baking lead paint chips as opposed to deep-frying them, cutting the lead content in half. “FritoLay is committed to providing healthy, tasty food for young children,” wrote CEO Chip Mann in a press release….

Get ready for a story that will melt your heart and the polar ice caps! In honor of Earth Day, these penguins decided to save energy by carpooling to work on one single piece of ice. Incredible! By putting eleven penguins in one vehicle, these sustainability heroes just increased their efficiency big time, to the…

In a very rare sequence of events, the movie An Inconvenient Sequel managed to perform the unthinkable: flop in the box office, but still win the popular vote. Sources were shocked to find that while a plurality of viewers liked the movie the best, An Inconvenient Sequel still managed to lose out in the box office tallies….

After a minor blunder where phones burst into flames inside users’ pockets, Samsung is proud to have just received the Top Environment Certificate for the Samsung Galaxy S8 smartphone. This phone is the first smartphone to ever win the Top Environment Certificate, likely due to the ingenious innovation of Samsung where the phone releases eco-friendly…

SIERRA NEVADA – As of 11:05pm this evening, sources report that Lake Tahoe began to make a whistling sound resembling that of a tea kettle. Noting the lake’s extremely high temperature, our reporters assume that the lake has now come to a boil and is ready to be poured into a mug and turned into…

Wednesday, probably Silicon Valley or something – Saying they needed something big to get their name back in the media and perhaps increase their all-time Surface sales from 3 to 4, Microsoft representatives have officially announced a new initiative called “AI For Earth,” where they will invest two million dollars in projects merging artificial intelligence and…

Less than two weeks ago, China had completed and turned on their newest solar farm, which they built to look like a 250-acre panda. In addition to shaping the panels to form a panda’s body, China utilized different colored panels to give the stark appearance of the native animal. Not to be outdone, however, the…

Wow! If this news doesn’t spice up your Fourth of July, I don’t know what will! This morning, The Sweaty Penguin received confirmation that a bald eagle in Alaska had, through some miracle of nature, grown his hair back. With a new head of hair, the bird became a new man, flying through the American skies…

While cooking a cajun fried chicken entree in her MasterChef debut, Pamela Kukingzprae of Delaware was reported to have a huge oil spill in the kitchen. “I was flipping my chicken in the pan when, all of the sudden, I knocked my elbow into the handle and all of the oil came flying at me,…

Calling his vision “epic” and “totally gonna make people cry,” documentary photographer Cameron “Cam” Ruhmann was recently seen herding five penguins toward the Larsen C ice shelf in West Antarctica, which has been breaking off the continent at increasingly quick speeds. The rift between Larsen C and the rest of Antarctica has expanded 11 miles…