People

Hey, Babe, Do You Want Me to Turn the Air Conditioning Off Tonight, Or Leave It On And Emit Hydrofleurocarbons Into the Atmosphere

Babe? Babe, are you up? … Babe? Oh, you were asleep? Oh I’m sorry, no you can go back to bed in one second, I just have a super quick thing. It’s getting cooler out, so I was thinking maybe I’d shut off the air conditioning and open the windows. No no, only if you…

Read More

Hey, Babe, Should I Buy a Recycled Paper Notebook, Or Just Allow a Tree to Get Cut Down So We Can Have a Fresh One?

Hey, babe, I’m heading out to an office supply store (editor’s note: if you are the CEO of Staples or OfficeMax or something reading this and you want your company here, we accept cash, check, or credit) to pick up a notebook to jot some notes down in at my next meeting at work. Should…

Read More

Oh Shucks! This Arizona Family Tried to Bake Cookies on the Ground, But The Cookie Dough Vaporized Upon Contact

Phoenix, AZ – Upon news of the weather forecast predicting record-high temperatures in Phoenix, Arizona this week, the Eeyum family decided to try baking cookies on the ground. The father, Barry, had seen a video on Facebook while at work on Monday that showed that if you sit cookie dough out in the sun on a…

Read More

Hey, Babe, Do You Want Me to Recycle This Jar, Or Should I Put It in the Trash And Let It Produce Methane in a Landfill?

Hey, babe, I just finished the mayonnaise. Do we recycle jars, or do we put them in the trash and let them produce methane in a landfill? I know we usually just throw stuff in the trash, but I was just thinking maybe I should recycle this jar. You know, if we send it to…

Read More

Inspiring: Meet the Man Who Recycles His Plastic Bags By Putting His Other Plastic Bags Into Them

Meet Dan. A 41-year-old man from Tallahassee, Florida. You might think Dan is your everyday run-of-the-mill fella, but behind that gray sweater and khakis is a real sustainable force to be reckoned with. After Dan gets home from the grocery store each week, Dan takes his food out of the plastic bags, and picks one…

Read More

Millennials Excited to Have Kids to Say “Your Generation Will Have to Fix This” To

In a recent survey sent to 100,000 millennials and taken by a whopping 27 of them, The Sweaty Penguin‘s pollsters have found that millennials are extremely excited to have kids for the sole reason of being able to tell them that their generation will have to rise up to fix climate change. These millennials reported a strong desire…

Read More

Doing His Part: This Man Just Pledged to Plant a Tree Every Time Someone Makes a “Yo Mama” Joke

If you’ve ever wondered what it means to be a hero, then look no further. This morning, Arizona resident Phil Terr Dwotter announced that for every time somebody made a “yo mama” joke, he would personally march to his backyard and plant a tree. Dwotter plans to stay true to his ambitious pledge until the issue of deforestation…

Read More

Real-Life Sacrifice: This Climate Change Activist Would Go Vegan if Meat Didn’t Taste So Damn Good

Cleveland, OH – In an amazing display of selflessness, area woman Carrie “Car” Nivore proudly declared that if meat didn’t taste so damn good, she would immediately go vegan. Environmentalists around the world are applauding Nivore’s bold stance stating her utmost intent to pursue a vegan diet and unfortunate inability due to the delicious flavor of meat. “The agriculture industry causes ten percent of global greenhouse gas…

Read More

Everyday Hero: This Farmer Killed All His Cows to Help Drop Methane Pollution

Sources report that yesterday morning, Nebraska cattle farmer Pat T. Uvryce decided emphatically to take a stand to protect the environment. After waking up and reading an article on Facebook about how cows produce methane from their digestion process, Uvryce realized that he needed to make change. Rather than just sitting on his couch and eating kale chips, Uvryce took initiative by marching outside and…

Read More

Devastating: Charcoal Grill at Earth Day Barbecue Releases Excess Carbon Dioxide Into Atmosphere

April 22, 2017 – Sources report that today wasn’t the best of Earth Days for area man Corey Ander after he allegedly released copious amounts of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere during his Earth Day cookout. Using a charcoal grill, Ander sent around a dozen pounds of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere, the equivalent of a 22 mile car drive….

Read More
Loading...