We knew they “Built Ford Tough,” but did you also know they built Ford to be a backup home generator? Ford’s new F-150 Lightning has the ability to transform from an all-star electric vehicle to a generator that can help you keep the lights on during a blackout. But what else can this freakin’ awesome vehicle do? We asked the engineers to find out:
1 It can respect women.
The F-150 Lightning comes equipped with dozens of features designed specifically to respect women. Some of them are just intuitive; a woman will get into the truck and just feel….respected. Others, however, are more direct. Ford’s Voice Command feature on the F-150 Lightning is finely tuned to pick up on a woman’s various tones of voice, so it’ll know if she really wants it to “direct her to the nearest Homegoods” or if it should just self-park and play Taylor Swift at max volume. This respecting-women-vehicle also comes with 14.1 cubic feet of trunk space, leaving room for all the baggage any woman might need to unload– whether in the form of gossip, rants, or shopping bags.*
*The truck will NEVER make a comment about how many shopping bags are loaded into the trunk.
2 It can run for local office.
With all those miles, you had to guess this truck would be running something! And you’re right: for office. The F-150 has the unique function of being able to launch a grassroots campaign for a local representative position. This inspiring vehicle puts the “car” in “caring about the issues facing Real Americans.” No other vehicle has this capability, so if elected your F-150 could be the first car representative ever.
3 It can compost.
While some cars these days are coming equipped with little trash compartments, the F-150 goes above and beyond with its comprehensive compost program. This means anytime you’re eating a banana, apple, or a raw egg (no judgment), you can begin its natural breakdown process right there in the car. And that’s not all. While the F-150 Lightning is equipped with a physical compost bin, it also mentally understands the moral reasoning and environmental calling to compost.
4 It can teach high schoolers about proper and safe sex.
Head over to the Ford F-150 manual to find the exact location of your “Birds and the Bees” button. When pressed, this feature will launch into an audio-visual experience that covers everything from condoms to comments you can make during sexual encounters. While this function can be manual, the Ford F-150 will also detect whenever there is a young teen in their sexual questioning phase in the vehicle, and will automatically begin playing the program.
5 It can politely tell your mother-in-law that you appreciate the gift, but you probably won’t be wearing the shirt she gave you anytime soon.
A lot of cars need a buffer to keep them shiny, but this car can ACT as a buffer! The Ford F-150 can run interference for you on any uncomfortable interactions with family or extended family members. The same sensors that can detect a sexually-active teen will be able to detect a tense aunt or a hangry dad, and can act accordingly. Ford’s voice programming comes equipped with more than 500 phrases and sayings used to appease frustrated family members, like “let’s all take a nice, deep breath and remember why God brought us here” or secular ones like “now approaching Coolville, population: Dad.”
While the Ford F-150 Lightning can save lives with its ability to convert into a backup generator, don’t forget about these equally important features this amazing vehicle also comes with! So buy one today– only $5.8 million dollars at your local Ford store!