I Ranked 5 Renewable Energy Jobs by How Nicely They’d Do as Male Stripper Uniforms

Let's put a new twist on marketing the much-needed transition to renewable energy.

Source: PIXNIO

Renewable energy has been growing for years now, but its role in the electric grid is still far from what it would need to be to ensure a carbon neutral future. It’s clear that existing marketing campaigns for it haven’t worked well enough, so we at The Sweaty Penguin decided to turn to our Hail Mary advertising strategy: turning you on. Check out these mouthwatering employment opportunities soon to replace the fireman and police officer at bachelorette parties!

  1. 1 Windmill technician

    This one is just obvious. Construction workers are already raking it in as strippers, so we know the toolbelt and hardhat sells. Strong, stoic, rural, what's not to love? Here’s hoping the next generation of country singers write songs about the hard working Americans who get in their truck to build a sustainable power grid.

  2. 2 Arborist

    Tall, Dark, Handsome, and providing natural carbon capture. That’s how I like my trees AND my men. You can’t go wrong with a strong, agile man in touch with nature, and these foresters can be the great masculine Renaissance of sustainable conservation.

  3. 3 Fuel Cell Engineer

    Listen, brainy boys are IN! Pete Davidson had his moment, but our next man trend is bound to take a turn to the intellectual. And I would know, I’ve only ever dated women! Anyway, these beautiful brainiacs are sure to raise energy outputs in new chemical compounds AND in the bedroom.

  4. 4 Energy Storage Manager

    Want the invigorating conversational prowess of a financial middle-manager without the high-end pay? No? That sounds horrible? Well, look, not every bullet point can be a winner. Anyway, these battery experts are the Wall Street executives of the sustainable power grid world, and their ability to “leverage technical supply agreements” is enough to make anyone swoon.

  5. 5 Soil Scientist

    This downright dirty career path is responsible for data collection to monitor farmland and conservation efforts. He might record organic activity in topsoil but there’s another organic activity you WON’T want to record (s*x).

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Maxwell Pociask
Maxwell Pociask is a Boston University Sophomore originally from Urbana, Illinois. He is a comedy writer for The Sweaty Penguin, helping to squeeze those juicy little joke morsels into that sweet, sweet, podcast news, baby. Max also publishes articles and other website content for The Sweaty Penguin, drawing on his past experience writing for The Bunion. Max also works as an Opinions section editor for the Daily Free Press, where you can read his column on unique urbanist solutions found in small American towns. He’s had a lifelong passion for building sustainable and equitable communities, and in 2021 hosted a grant-funded arts showcase for students in Central Illinois. Max doesn’t think that pineapple on pizza is all that big of a deal, but hopes you don’t tell Ethan about that.


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