Renewable energy has been growing for years now, but its role in the electric grid is still far from what it would need to be to ensure a carbon neutral future. It’s clear that existing marketing campaigns for it haven’t worked well enough, so we at The Sweaty Penguin decided to turn to our Hail Mary advertising strategy: turning you on. Check out these mouthwatering employment opportunities soon to replace the fireman and police officer at bachelorette parties!
1 Windmill technician
This one is just obvious. Construction workers are already raking it in as strippers, so we know the toolbelt and hardhat sells. Strong, stoic, rural, what's not to love? Here’s hoping the next generation of country singers write songs about the hard working Americans who get in their truck to build a sustainable power grid.
Tall, Dark, Handsome, and providing natural carbon capture. That’s how I like my trees AND my men. You can’t go wrong with a strong, agile man in touch with nature, and these foresters can be the great masculine Renaissance of sustainable conservation.
3 Fuel Cell Engineer
Listen, brainy boys are IN! Pete Davidson had his moment, but our next man trend is bound to take a turn to the intellectual. And I would know, I’ve only ever dated women! Anyway, these beautiful brainiacs are sure to raise energy outputs in new chemical compounds AND in the bedroom.
4 Energy Storage Manager
Want the invigorating conversational prowess of a financial middle-manager without the high-end pay? No? That sounds horrible? Well, look, not every bullet point can be a winner. Anyway, these battery experts are the Wall Street executives of the sustainable power grid world, and their ability to “leverage technical supply agreements” is enough to make anyone swoon.
5 Soil Scientist
This downright dirty career path is responsible for data collection to monitor farmland and conservation efforts. He might record organic activity in topsoil but there’s another organic activity you WON’T want to record (s*x).