Though the U.S. government declared the ivory-billed woodpecker extinct in 2021, the bird isn’t going down without a fight. A team of researchers claim the elusive bird is still alive and pecking in the forests of Louisiana, though their research has yet to be peer-reviewed. So we need your help. Is the ivory-billed woodpecker really extinct, or can you help us find it?
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1 It’s time to find the ivory-billed woodpecker. Are you ready?
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Yes.
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Let's do it.
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…99! 100! Ready or not, here I come!
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DON’T DIE WOODPECKER I’LL FIND YOU!
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2 Where do you look first?
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The forest
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The Grand Canyon
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The bathroom
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New York City
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3 Alright, you’re here. What do you do?
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Retrace your footsteps
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Shout “Ka-Kaw! Ka-Kaw!”
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Climb up high for a better view
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Play it cool and let the woodpecker come to you
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4 Nope, no luck yet. Want to try something else?
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Download Find My Woodpecker on your phone
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Put some wood on the floor that’s just begging to be pecked
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Ask if you can stop playing hide-and-seek and switch to man hunt so it’s quicker
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Keep doing what you were doing before, like an idiot
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5 You’re about to give up when… wait, is that a sound? What is that sound?
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Cock-a-doodle doo!
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Ka-Kaw! Ka-Kaw!
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Aflac!
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A quiet nasal “toot”
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6 You follow the sound and eventually, you notice something rustling. It’s…
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High up in a tree
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Far away on a lake
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Straddling a cable line
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Leaving an upper decker
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7 You can’t get a good view so far away, so you try taking a picture to get a better view.
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Zoom in really far on your camera
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Hold your camera up to a pair of binoculars
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Buy a new sports lens, wait 7 business days for it to arrive, and use that
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Turn on the camera timer, then chuck the camera toward it so it snaps the picture automatically
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8 Dammit, the picture is blurry. I guess there’s only one way to find out if it’s an ivory-billed woodpecker.
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Walk up to it
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Jump out and say “peek-a-boo!”
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Ask it nicely
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Hire a biologist on Craigslist
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Quiz: Can You Find the Ivory-Billed Woodpecker?
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Quiz result
You found the ivory-billed woodpecker!
You did it! That’s the ivory-billed woodpecker! Submit your blurry picture to a peer-reviewed academic journal and collect your Nobel prize, because you just brought a famous bird species back from the dead. Congratulations! Now don’t let the fame get to you.
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Quiz result
You idiot! That’s a duck!
Are you a moron? If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, in no scenario is it an ivory-billed woodpecker. Go back to school, you half-baked dimwit.
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Quiz result
Bad news, it was just a regular woodpecker. But sometimes it’s about the journey, not the destination.
Think about it. You took a chance. You explored. You risked everything. None of that would have happened without the ivory-billed woodpecker. And sure, you didn’t find what you were hoping for, but what you did find was so much more valuable. Maybe the real ivory-billed woodpecker was inside you all along.
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Quiz result
Oops, it was an electric toothbrush.
Tough mistake, but it can happen to anyone. You wouldn’t expect an electric toothbrush to sound like a woodpecker, but in this case, that’s what happened. Is it disappointing? Yes. But it’s going to be okay. Take a year, reflect on what happened, and move onto bigger and better things. Searching for extinct woodpeckers might be more of a hobby than a job for you.
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